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Seattle Does Their Matthew McConaughy Impression:


by Amy Lignor

Alright, Alright, Alright!

 

One question. Was this a Super Bowl? Well, the Niners did beat the Buffalo Bills a while ago 49-0, so I suppose this could be considered a Super Bowl. Another ‘big game’ where only one team actually showed up at the stadium to play football. And, forSuper-Bowl-2014-Prop-Wagers-012714L many, they are unbelievably surprised that I am NOT talking about the Denver Broncos right now.

 

Peyton Manning was voted MVP for the 5th time in his career this season. He broke record after record after record. Unfortunately, last night his team broke records for being hideously bad.

 

I would love to find a way to explain this one. Was Peyton sleeping? Did the cold air make the Broncos tired? No. That wouldn’t be it. They’re from Denver. The polar vortex and fear of what the weather would be last night has been talked about for three weeks, and it never came to fruition. Only a few drops of rain fell, so Old Man Winter can’t take a hit here.

 

Seattle’s defense and special teams were on the field. No one else was. Interceptions, fumble recoveries, forcing Manning to throw when he definitely did not have a man who ran their route and was able to actually catch the ball, suffocating the entire offense and taking out receivers left and right; that is what the Seattle defense did. Although their offense can  basically take no credit for this game, the defense can, should and probably will, claim the cover of Sports Illustrated. They looked as evil and hard-hitting as Madden’s Raiders did so long ago, and they made sure to land every tackle as hard as humanly possible.

 

One of the most confused faces in the MetLife Stadium was Eli Manning, sitting in a booth looking down on his home field watching his brother look…like a rookie. A rookie who, with one more of those horrific hits by the Seahawks, may just have taken him out of the game for good.

 

The first half was a clinker. Well, unless you’re a Seahawks fan and then it was a dream come true. A team that has never won the Super Bowl looked poised to do it even if they didn’t come back out on the field for the second half.

 

Then, a truly boring halftime show occurred – and this comment is not against Bruno Mars because the guy is extremely talented. The comment is actually because of the fact that the gold jackets, the barely discernible words, and the addition of the Red Hot Chili Peppers to the mix (a band that doesn’t even represent this decade) made the whole thing a jumbled mess. When Bruno ended the show all by himself, THEN it was good.

 

But then came the second half. The FOX crew was beyond bored. It looked like they wanted FOX to air a Sleepy Hollow episode so they could at least watch something interesting. Out came the Seahawks, and the special teams got yet another TD on the first play making the score 29 to 0. This is the type of game that brings about obesity and alcoholism…for the evening. Even the Seahawk – the real one in the stadium that the camera kept showing a picture of – wanted to fly out of New Jersey so badly you felt kind of sad for the creature. It knew his team had won and just wanted to get back home.

 

The weather issue is out. Peyton Manning was stopped. When he had time – which was hardly ever – he was good, but nothing worked. The loudmouth named Sherman? He was silent, thankfully. No one wanted to hear the guy spout again. He did get hurt on one of the last plays in the 4th quarter, an ankle injury that may need all off-season to heal, but his presence wasn’t missed by a team that had already beaten the AFC Champs into the ground.

 

Paul McCartney enjoyed his pizza, Kevin Costner looked as if he was really ripped that he’d just lost three hours of his life that he would never get back. (That’s how we felt about Waterworld, Kev, so now we’re even). And David Beckham thought that playing on his cell phone was far more interesting than actually watching the game. He was right.

 

Perhaps the Broncos should have stayed on the field during halftime; the fireworks might have woken the team up. Yes, they did come alive…a bit…just too late to actually matter when a score is 35 to 0. In the end, Seattle did the job…easily. The defense deserves accolades and a team that never held the Lombardi trophy now has hoisted it in the air.

 

So who were the most engaging players on the television last night? Well, the commercial for the NFL draft with Jerry Rice in a stunning hairdo that will ever be forgotten will stick in the memory far longer than this game will. Seems ironic that, yet again, Jerry Rice is the player that will be talked about. Although…Tim Tebow in his Verizon commercial joking about buying contracts was definitely a thumbs-up.

 

Bet you didn’t think these would be the two NFL players who would make the Super Bowl worth watching, did ya? Thank goodness there’s another season to look forward to, because this one definitely ended on a dull note.

 

Until Next Time, Everybody,

Amy

 

 

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