I am writing this from a friend’s laptop. Last Thursday night my backpack was stolen out of another friend’s car after an event that I body painted at. I was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Part of me thought that I had renter’s insurance. Turns out, I do not. The policy ran out last year. So being the positive person that I am I have run over in my mind all that happened surrounding it. I have found it odd the things that I packed into my backpack going to the event and what I decided to take out that night, including my wallet, cash and phone. I also found it odd that I put in a backup inhaler just moments before leaving the apartment. I also took out my treasured notebook that I draw in and write quotes in. I put in my favorite dress pants in case they were needed at the event after we were done painting.
There is a quote I love, “Either everything is a miracle, or nothing is.” ~Einstein.
In the face of being told that my policy ended last year I struggled a bit. I am still struggling. I can feel in my gut that there were things that went in that bag for purpose and reason. How can I be mad when I know that the inhaler went to someone who probably really needed it and perhaps saved their life? It is also possible that it just went into the trash, but that has just not been my experience. In my life, everything is a miracle more often than not. Even when it isn’t I find out later how it was.
I’ve also been struggling with something different this time around; people being angry on my behalf, talking about Karma. I keep thinking or feeling about the various people who have ended up with my objects. I specifically put one of my blue flashlights in there and thought it was odd. I even mentioned to my friend at the time that I never took it out of my storage unit and it must be for something I would find out later. Well it was one of the things that was in the bag when it was taken. To feel such a sense of purpose for a flashlight and then have it be in the backpack when it had been perfectly safe and ensconced in my storage unit feels like the universe giving meaning to things that most can’t understand.
I don’t know how many of you have been watching the new TV show called “Touch.” It’s about a special little boy who doesn’t talk. The concept for the show is that he is open to some mathematical patterns that show how we are all connected. It is the first time I have seen a show in a long time that helps to explain even a fraction of what reality is like for me. There is a sense in the 3rd episode of an adult who does these seemingly random things on a tight time schedule to make other things happen. He’s billed as a man who lost his mind and is also mathematically inclined. There is also something else. They do it to alleviate human suffering. This revelation in the show is something that spoke to me from memories long past. Once upon a time I tried to NOT do what my intuition said… directed, gave me inklings of, and it HURT. It was painful. I forgot that until this past week and saw the 3rd episode, just before the backpack was stolen.
So knowing all this how can I say I hope that Karma bites them in the butt? I hope they hurt? I hope they suffer? How can I knowing what I know? That the things that were in there were dispersed and scattered to the four winds to a variety of people who needed what my bag provided, to ease the suffering of who knows how many people? Almost all of my pain creams were in the side pouch. How crazy is it that I looked at how many were in there and didn’t take them out? I mean I can remember thinking that it seemed like a lot but had no feeling or sensation that any needed to be removed. Someone was in pain and needed them. One was even prescription grade. How can I hope that the person those were meant for, suffers? It has also been my experience that the people that are a part of the Colfax street community barter and sell everything they find. If it goes it is because someone needs it.
As someone who has also had near death experiences I also know that people who cause suffering get to feel what they have done to others as a part of their life review, so they can understand what they did. Sometimes it is very painful because what they took had deep personal meaning and was irreplaceable. Those times they do feel the Karmic repercussions. But what will they feel in their life review from this? Love beyond all understanding. How a woman so trusted the universe that she packed everything that was needed into the backpack, each thing that was needed to go to each recipient. How she trusted even though she questioned why each thing went in or came out of the backpack. And even after it was stolen, she was at peace and calm.
I’m not even entirely sure why I am telling you. Maybe you will understand. Maybe some part of this will resonate with you. Maybe you will be angry. I don’t know. I do trust though, that even though I have no insurance to replace what was lost, a new Mac laptop will somehow find its way to me to replace mine just the way an inhaler, a flashlight and some pain cream made it into the hands of others who were in need. So the universe is abundant and I am some strange body painting, chalk arting monk wandering about the world… Surely there is abundance out there enough to provide a Macbook to a wandering soul such as myself. Either everything is a miracle or nothing is… So I am just going to continue believing it is, naïve’ or not I think I am happier for it.