Dollar Bill’s Corner: 30 Can Gary

February 5, 2009 – Down in Miami, a friend of mine, known as 30 Can Gary for the amount of beer he drank every day, decided that times were getting tougher – work was nonexistent even for a cement finisher – and it was time to steal beer.

He did.

For a long time.

For such a long time, in fact, that Gary felt invincible.  Until one Saturday night before New Year’s Eve when he decided to do a “snatch-n-grab” to make it out the front door without paying for the 12 pk. of Natural Ice he wanted.  The problem was he hadn’t checked the parking lot so he hadn’t seen the two Miami Beach squad cars parked just outside.  He walked into the closet car, dropped the beer, hit the pavement, and waited.  The officer got out laughing and asked, “What’s up, Gary?  You looking for a place to stay tonight?”  Gary, being Gary, responded, “No, but I’m in a cold swamp, and I need a blanket.”  The officer told him to wait right there and he would be back.  Gary stayed there until the officer came back and handed him a new jacket and a brand new sleeping bag.  He then said, “Sorry, I couldn’t find a blanket to match the beer so I’ll keep the beer.  Stay warm tonight.”  Both cars rolled away and Gary soiled his pants.

He never stole beer again.

We decided the moral to his story is: look before you leap and learn from your mistakes.
I’ll be back,

Dollar Bill

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